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If you’re wondering how to support someone with cancer, you’re not alone — and you’re already doing something right by seeking guidance.
ON THIS PAGE
- Treat them like the same person
- Be there. Show up
- Don’t avoid the subject
- Rally the troops
- Cancer is a marathon, not a sprint
- What not to do when someone has cancer
- Donating to cancer research
When a loved one is diagnosed with cancer, family and friends often want to help but don’t always know how. Many cancer patients tell their GPs things like:
- “People started acting weird around me.”
- “Some friends just disappeared.”
- “Everyone gives advice, but no one really listens.”
Whether it’s breast cancer, prostate cancer, lung cancer, or another diagnosis, the emotional response from others is often surprisingly similar.
Shock, fear, sadness, and helplessness can make even well-meaning people pull away or say the wrong thing. But what people with cancer usually need most is presence, empathy, and a sense of normality.
Below are five practical tips for supporting someone with cancer, followed by what not to do.
1. Treat Them Like the Same Person
A cancer diagnosis doesn’t erase who someone is.
Helping them maintain routines and normal activities can be incredibly grounding.
If they feel up to it:
- Continue shared hobbies
- Plan small outings or catch-ups
- Keep up regular walks or exercise
Exercise is often encouraged during treatment, even chemotherapy, as long as it’s appropriate for the individual.
Of course, some days ‘normal’ isn’t possible.
Be flexible, adjust expectations, and return to routine when you can.
2. Be There. Show Up
One of the most important ways to support someone with cancer is simply to be present.
- Offer to drive them to medical appointments
- Sit with them during chemotherapy
- Visit them in hospital
- Bring a board game, a coffee, or just yourself
Send them a text saying, “Can I come and sit with you? I’ll bring my laptop; we don’t need to talk if you’re not up for it”. Stay a while if they want company.
That said, respect their boundaries.
Cancer treatment is exhausting, and there will be times when they need space. If they say “not today,” believe them.
3. Don’t Avoid the Subject
Cancer can feel like the elephant in the room, but avoiding it often makes things worse.
If they want to talk about their diagnosis, listen. Really listen. You don’t need to fix anything or offer solutions.
Sometimes they’ll want to vent. Other times, they may want silence. Both are okay.
If humour has always been part of your relationship, gentle laughter can still have a place.
Many people with cancer appreciate moments that feel normal.
4. Rally the Support Network
Supporting someone with cancer is rarely a one-person job. It’s nearly impossible to support a friend or relative with cancer by yourself.
With their permission, help organise a team that may include:
- Family members
- Close friends
- Work colleagues
- Community or cancer support services
Sharing responsibilities, such as meals, transport, childcare, and personal admin, prevents burnout and keeps support sustainable over the long term.
If they’re a friend, it’s best to get their family’s blessing before building a broader support network.
You don’t want to step on anyone’s toes and create additional strain in an already stressful situation.
5. Cancer Is a Marathon, Not a Sprint
Hang in there for the long haul when supporting someone with cancer. Your adrenaline may run high following their diagnosis, but can you maintain your commitment?
In many cases, cancer gets more challenging over time. Seemingly endless appointments, repeated chemo sessions, and no promise of results can make it hard to persist with constant support.
But imagine how hard it is for your friend or relative who has the disease.
There’s nothing wrong with taking a break when you need it. ‘Powering through’ rarely works and usually leads to burnout.
This is where a team of supporters is invaluable in providing care for someone in need.
What Not to Do When Someone Has Cancer
Knowing how not to support someone with cancer is just as important.
Don’t disappear because you don’t know what to say
No one has the perfect words. Saying, “I don’t know what to say, but I’m here,” is more than enough.
Don’t visit if you’re unwell
Cancer treatment weakens the immune system. Even a mild cold can be dangerous.
Avoid comparisons
Statements like, “My aunt had that, and she’s totally fine now,” rarely help. Every cancer journey is different.
Don’t offer medical advice
Unless you’re a doctor experienced in cancer care, avoid suggesting treatments, diets, or miracle cures you found online.
Avoid these phrases:
- “At least you’ve still got your hair.”
- “Everything happens for a reason.”
- “We could all get hit by a bus tomorrow.”
- “Have you tried cutting out sugar?”
- “You should have taken better care of yourself.”
Even if well-intended, these comments can feel dismissive or hurtful.
Final thoughts
Learning how to support someone with cancer isn’t about saying the perfect thing.
It’s about showing up, listening, staying kind, and being willing to walk alongside them, even when it’s uncomfortable for you.
Small, consistent acts of care can make an enormous difference.
Donating to Cancer Research
Donating to cancer research in Australia helps fund life-saving breakthroughs in prevention, early detection and treatment for the 1 in 2 Australians diagnosed with cancer by age 85.
Financial support helps drive clinical trials, improves access to cutting-edge therapies, and backs local researchers working to increase survival rates and quality of life for patients and their families.
Every contribution, big or small, helps bring us closer to more effective treatments, fewer side effects, and ultimately, a future with fewer lives lost to cancer.
Some organisations that accept tax-deductible donations include:
Dr Elaine Sung is a renowned Melbourne GP and owner of Doctors of South Melbourne.
So true! And for other conditions that friends of mine have suffered and pulled through – like stroke, heart problems, mental health issues. Just be yourself and be there for them.
We couldn’t agree more Kerri. Thanks for your comment. 🙂
Kind regards,
Doctors of South Melbourne